Monday, March 31, 2008

Update from Susan

It has been a few days, actually since last Wednesday, that a new entry has been made. It has gone by fast. We have been having wonderful times together here at home. Still trying to get the proper morphine concentration to give Susan pain free days and provide for her awake times to enjoy activities at home. Susan is still doing well at home. We are truly amazed at how much energy she has, now even walking around the house, directing this to be cleaned up and even dabbling in doing some cleanup her self. But minimizing the activities she does (it can be hard sometimes). We celebrated Hannah's birthday on Sunday (actually is today). But it was filled with puzzle races, watching home videos from 1990 and 1996. Susan was drowsy but was aware of what was going on.
After our devotional time together over the weekend, Susan wanted me to put this one in the blog. It is from 'My Utmost from His Highest' devotional, for March 28th;
Just because I don't understand what Jesus Christ says, I have no right to determine that He must be mistaken in what He says. That is a dangerous view, and it is never right to think that my obedience to God's directive will bring dishonor to Jesus. The only thing that will bring dishonor is not obeying Him. To put my view of His honor ahead of what He is plainly guiding me to do is never right, even though it may come from a real desire to prevent Him from being put to an open shame. I know when the instructions have come from God because of their quiet persistence. But when I begin to weigh the pros and cons, and doubt and debate enter into my mind, I am bringing in an element that is not of God. This will only result in my concluding that His instructions to me were not right. Many of us are faithful to our ideas about Jesus Christ, but how many of us are faithful to Jesus Himself? Faithfulness to Jesus means that I must step out even when and where I can't see anything (see Matthew 14:29). But faithfulness to my own ideas means that I first clear the way mentally. Faith, however, is not intellectual understanding; faith is a deliberate commitment to the Person of Jesus Christ, even when I can't see the way ahead.
Are you debating whether you should take a step of faith in Jesus, or whether you should wait until you can clearly see how to do what He has asked? Simply obey Him with unrestrained joy. When He tells you something and you begin to debate, it is because you have a misunderstanding of what honors Him and what doesn't. Are you faithful to what He says, or are you trying to compromise His words with thoughts that never came from Him? "Whatever He says to you, do it" (John 2:5)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Grace is Sufficient

Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12: "There was given me a thorn in my flesh... to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." That is certainly a feeling these days. We want to delight in our circumstance right now. Not dwell on it and wonder why. By God's grace in our weaknesses, we are made strong and strengthened each day. Susan is very comfortable at home. It was a good move back home. She has continued on the same morphine dose as at the hospital and she has been eating quite a bit. She even has these spurts of energy in the evenings that sometimes causes us to even think she is getting better. But it is all in God's timing. We take each day for what it is, looking to the day she is carried home to heaven. She smiles a lot at the familiar things and even imparts some motherly advice to the kids. Still, she amazes us. Here is a picture back in the summer of 1982 just before Nathan was born in Newport Rhode Island during Officer Candidate School. Boy did we look young.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Susan at home on Hospice Care

Over the weekend, our family started talking about bringing Susan home for her remaining days. Everyone seemed to agree including Susan. The trips to the hospital and coordination of care sitting became a little draining emotionally and physically. Susan came home Monday evening! Hospice has taken over with all her meds and equipment at home. She has enjoyed the familiarity and closeness to kids and the pets. She will remain on the same dose of morphine and ativan medicines as she was in the hospital. Susan continues with long naps and periods of time when she eats and talks a bit. This morning she ordered up a cheese omelet, pancakes and juice for breakfast. She nibbled on it and ate some of it. She still has a desire for food. So now that we are at home, we still need to request no visitors at home. Sorry but it is just too hard to determine when her awake times are and how much energy she has to communicate. Thank you. And thank you all for your prayers that have sustained us. It has been through the grace of God that keeps us going. You all are such a blessing to us in these tough times. God Bless!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Happy Easter! He is Risen!

We had a very nice evening together. Susan was very energetic and sharing more thoughts tonight. So it was a good change over the past few days. But again just a few hours of energy given by God to bring us together to share memories. We cherish those moments when we get them. Our family wants to say Happy Easter to all of you. What a glorious day because He is Risen, He is Risen indeed!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Snowing


We have been waking up to snow in the past few days. Today it snowed most of the day and Susan was aware of it, being able to watch it through her window. We have had to increase the morphine to control the comfort and pain level. So she remains comfortable and pain free. A close friend (Cindy) put on a Hawaiian Luau dinner for us at the hospital. It was a good memorable time for the family. Complete with Hawaiian music and leis. We took a picture, Susan was pretty tired. God continues to give us quality family time with Susan. She makes us laugh sometimes. She can still be pretty funny in a clever way. Time is shorter, we see a degradation each day. The children have had some nice time for acceptance. Trying to keep them busy with some of their own activities, like school, sports, AWANA games (tomorrow, Saturday), etc. This of course with the help of friends. Thank you.


"This is the day that the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24
Everyday is a blessing.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

You gotta Keep Dancing


Today was an emotional roller coaster. We thought we lost Susan this morning due to her low breathing rate but then she perked up this afternoon and actually carried on some good conversations. Mid morning she actually wanted to dance for a while, first with her dad then mom, and then our family. I captured one picture with Susan dancing with Michelle. Very precious moments. One of Susan's favorite books is "You Gotta Keep Dancing" by Tim Hansel. The theme of the book is: 'In the midst of Life's Hurts, you can choose Joy!' She loved this book even before cancer and lived it during her cancer journey. Susan is still resting comfortably and pain free.
"Hear, O Lord, and be gracious to me; O Lord, be Thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing; Thou hast loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness; That my soul may sing praise to Thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks to Thee forever." Psalm 30:10-12

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Until We Meet Again

"Until We Meet Again"- This has been Susan's words to so many that have talked to her in recent days. She still remains comfortable and pain free. Sleeping with short periods of awake time for the family while visiting at the hospital. Here is a story that happened today. Our girls have been able to get their ears pierced at the age of thirteen. That has been the Vetsch standard. Until today. Mary (12), Laura (10) and Kayla (8) were surprised tonight by given the chance to get their ears pierced as a special blessing from Susan. They were excited and totally surprised. We all met at the local mall store that does this. All of us. Yes we were able to get Susan away from the hospital for about 40 minutes to share in the suprise. I included some pictures. We got Susan back right away and back to sleep for the night. She really had a nice time tonight. Our children also made a video tribute to Susan today with the help of Aaron Anstett. We showed that tonight for her. Thanks to all that continue to embrace us and have given to us (Roger and Lisa, a special thanks to you!) Good night.
Outside the store after getting the three girls ears pierced.
Another game night on Monday night. Susans parents came in on Sunday. Their names are Jack and Mary Carol, seated next to Susan.

Monday, March 17, 2008

"The plans I have for you"

Susan continues to amaze me. With a couple of doses of morphine last night, she slept pretty sound. But then at 0715 this morning, she was up and ready to finish a couple of more love letters to our children. After a couple of hours the love letters are now 98% complete. With the help of Leah, Hannah and Sarah, Susan also completed some thank yous to people that have recently given food and flowers. We are definitely being taken care of by many. Thank you.
God has given Susan some bursts of energy to finish tasks so important to her. They are almost complete. Today, we visited with Susan several times between 2-3 hour naps. Pastor Skip Lane and Pastor Dick Hege came by to see Susan and pray with us. The children have been writing love letters of their own and spending some nice one-on-one quality time with Susan. She remains comfortable and pain free. I want to share with you one of Susan's favorite verses:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-12

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Sleeping Today

Susan has been sleeping most of the day. Her Mom and Dad flew in today from Phoenix and about the time they arrived at the hospital, Susan woke up and you should have seen the look on her face. She was just excited. So for about a half hour, we sat in the lounge and talked. Susan ate some food and then got sleepy again. Then back to bed for a few more hours. Susan has been on some morphine so this has been taking it out of her with the drowsiness. She rests comfortably and without pain. The kids are handling everything very well but it is hard to see our loved one like this. Saturday was a blessing with the burst of energy that Susan had. The bowling game will always be remembered and the formal dinner at home will be cherished. Here are some pictures from yesterday.
"O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness, That we may sing for Joy and be glad all our days." Psalm 91:14

Susan and our daughters Sarah, Hannah & Leah at the bowling alley
A silly group shot after the bowling game
After our dinner group shot before Susan went back to hospital

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Not so good night, good day

Susan was restless through the night with short periods of sleep. Shortness of breath and pain being the issues. Small amounts of morphine are now being given through the iv and that really helps with the shortness of breath. But as a result, she slept pretty good through the morning and was given a pass to go home for the late afternoon into the evening. Our children were going to go bowling with Uncle Bob and Aunt Jeanne, and Susan wanted to go and watch them bowl. So she did. Most of us had not bowled in years so it was pretty comical. After that we went to our home in Dalton Gardens, where a big family dinner was planned. We dressed up and had a pretty good feast put on by our daughters. Shared memories of Susan, she shared some too, the best she could. She had a delightful time and we made it special for her. She actually had quite a bit of energy through the evening including a short nap. Back to the hospital by ten and she went right to bed. She got her usual meds for the night and should sleep pretty sound. She is comfortable and managing the pain. Thanks to all the good care at Kootenai Medical Center, that includes RN's Joi, Carol and Cindy. God had been so faithful to bring us caring nurses. Time to go to sleep, good night.

Friday, March 14, 2008

A Note from Susan

"Dear loved ones who have supported us over the years, in small and big ways. We thank you so much for your willingness to be so generous to us. But, as the time draws near, my ability to write thank yous is diminishing.
Please note, we continue to remain very grateful for all you've done for us in the past, present and future. Thank you for all your prayers during this time. The accommodations here are just wonderful and is allowing us to enjoy each other, including Uncle Bob and Aunt Jeanne.
I have been taking at least 2 naps a day, am very sleepy, even when I'm awake. My pain isn't bad, by breathing has gotten harder though. Today, I have been more frisky and a harder time taking my morning nap & didn't sleep very well. The 5 younger children individually came through and shared their heart with me. It was a sweet, tender time with each. Out of the 11 love letters I have to write, five are totally done, 3 almost, and three to start. That is on my mind. Please pray that I can get that done ASAP.
Tonight, the family is very excited because I got a pass to go to the 7pm service at Real Life Ministries where some of the kids go."

A Good Night

We had a great Thursday evening at the hospital in a lobby near Susan's room. The room has a large wrap around sofa which we filled up and we all watched some Vetsch Family home videos. We watched some scenes of Susan dancing with Sarah on Christmas 1988, when Sarah was 10 months old. She was really getting into the music. Very youthful. Susan and the rest had a good laugh and memory over that one. Some other special video memories of backyard activities. So the evening was a good one. Susan had a very good night's sleep waking at 0800 am. So the morning was a very good one for Susan, writing some more on the Love Letters and spending one on one with some of the younger kids. She will take a nap this afternoon and early evening. This has been a very good day. On our quiet time this morning......

'A person doesn't know the Joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, But because of it.' The Apostle Paul said, "I am exceedingly joyful in all our tribulation." 2 Corinthians 7:4
The undiminished radiance, which is the result of abundant joy, is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can change. And the experiences of life, whether they are everyday events or terrifying ones, are powerless to "separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord' (Romans 8:39)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sweet Sweet Times

The results of the chest x-ray were not so good. There was a return of liquid in the right lung lining. The liquid contained cancer cells. Also, the left lung was still cloudy after the antibiotics. Susan is given drugs to reduce the liquids and she is still breathing with good air exchange. Susan is comfortable and the pain is controlled. When she is up and awake she is a wild cat but most of the day today she was sleepy. We will see what the evening brings. Susan continues to impact the lives of even the hospital staff. She is loved by the nurses in the oncology ward. Is that a surprise to anyone. For now we continue to have a sweet sweet time with Susan.

Dawson our black lab, Susan's favorite dog made a guest appearance last night at the hospital. Can you tell that Susan was surprised and excited! There is a black lab in there somewhere. This was a moment she really cherished. Dawson is a loyal companion to Susan. He was excited too.





Susan's brother Bob and sister Jeanne came in on Wednesday night. Here we all are with Susan playing games. Susan won about half the games. One favorite nurse, Joi, also looks on.

Bedside is Mary and Leah. Susan has had a big appetite. Keep in contact with us. Thanks for your prayers and support.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

News

Well we got to talk to Dr. Tezcan this morning. The real concern is Susan's left lung not the right lung that had the fluid around it. From last Wednesday's chest x-ray to this past Monday's chest x-ray, there is congestion in the left lung that has developed which required the anti-biotics. He has never mentioned pneumonia but this could be an onset to that. So for now, she is being watched, keeping an eye on her breathing and of course keeping up on her pains. She has such a rosiness to her cheeks and she is beautiful. On Thursday, another chest x-ray will be taken to see how things have progressed since Monday. This will definitely give us an idea of how much longer Susan will continue to bless us with her presence. For now, she needs to take naps and minimize visits. We got alot done this morning with Susan's love letters to the children. Thankful for that. Will keep you posted. Thanks again for all of you that are lifting us up in prayer. I am always relying on that.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Susan In the Hospital

How things do change in the uncertainty of life. With the shortness of breath issues over the weekend and awaiting the hospice nurse to come over on Monday morning, Susan became pretty sleepy and a little confused. She is a strong woman though and endured with a lot of pampering and forcing the liquids. In talking with the hospice nurse, it was discussed that with the hydration process that happened on Friday afternoon, that sometimes fluids will accumulate in possible areas like the plural lining around the lungs. Now this made sense that there was a possibility of new liquid (since last Wednesdays chest x-ray, which showed clear lungs) now showing up after the hydration on Friday. Come Saturday, the shortness of breath and the chest pains became alittle more concerning. So I defitinely wanted a chest x-ray on Monday afternoon. By 4:00 pm on Monday afternoon, it was identified that there was indeed liquid on the right lung and that Susan was to be admitted into the hospital right away. Her Oxygen saturation in her body was 78-81%, which is normally over 90% in a healthy person. That was a major reason why she was so sleepy and disorientated. So with continuous oxygen, her level came up to 91%. Dr. Tezcan wanted to keep her in over night to perform a ultrasound on Tuesday morning to extract the fluid. Susan had a very good nights sleep, with the help of the drugs. On Tuesday morning, she had a chest x-ray and ultrasound showing a good amount of liquid. Then a radioligist performed a procedure to remove the liquid. He removed >700 ml which will now be analyzed for cancer cell presence. This test for cancer cells will give a better indication of her life expectancy. Lots of things going on and the family is doing well with God's sufficient and never ending Grace. He is the basis for our faith and hope through our relationship with our Lord Jesus. We have been having wonderful family time together. We ask at this time that no visitors be allowed at the hospital and that could be relaxed in the days ahead. For now, thanks to you all for checking in faithfully with us. Your prayers have been wonderful. As of about an hour after the liquid was removed Susan is breathing better and she is eating.
"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; The humble shall hear it and rejoice. O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together." Psalm 34:1-3

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Rough Weekend

"Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." Psalm 55:22

How quickly life can change when dealing with cancer. Thus my oldest daughter Leah, had all of us girls to her house for a 'girls night out'. She lives in the Gonzaga U area of Spokane WA. She attends E Washington U. She has a cute old house sharing it with 3 other girls that go to Gonzaga. Well we had a big dinner, made cookies and then watched a 'girlie movie'. That was the start of my rough nights. I didn't sleep well that night, getting up every 3 hours to take pain meds. And I was not drinking enough fluids because on Friday while I was at the Cancer Center getting my regular treatments, I started experiencing the dry heaves (no fun) which usually means dehydrated. So after 2 liters of solution and several hours, Doug took me home and I felt much better. By Saturday, I was having some difficulty breathing with some chest discomfort. I got winded and tired more easily. Now on Wednesday, my chest x-rays looked good (no difference over the last 2 chest x-rays). So we were not sure what was going on. So Doug and I farmed out the young girls and took it easy getting love letters and cook books together for the kids. Spent some time in the hot tub. Took it easy, Doug was my slave. Come Sunday, no change but contacted the Hospice nurse who advised taking meds and taking it easy until Monday morning when our primary nurse could check on Susan and have more direct contact with Doctors and the hospital. So more to come on this one. Went to a Seder Dinner on Sunday evening at Friends Church put on by the Jews for Jesus international ministry. Was blessed by the dinner and discussions, along with seeing good friends.
Thank you to all of you Prayer Warriors and those that give to our family. You are a blessing.
"One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek; That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, To behold the beauty of the Lord." Psalm 27:4

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Pain in the Neck


Thanks to all your prayers, the game plan is working. I have not felt this comfortable and pain released in weeks. We are taking small doses now more frequently but the plan is to get bigger doseages over more extended periods of time. My oncologist, Dr. Tezcan suspects that the pain in my shoulder that is the most intense, is probably from a pinched nerve(s) in my neck from possibly a tumor. Within a couple of weeks, we will perform an MRI on the suspected area and determine whether it is tumor related or not. Also will be seeing a nerve specialist who will be putting in a pain block around the suspected pinched nerve area to deaden the pain for a longer period of time. Pray that the MRI will clearly show the cause of pain in my shoulder and a clear direction for the nerve specialist to perform his work. I had a wonderful visit with my brother Rory over the weekend. Celebrated Mary's birthday on the 4th. We had most everone there for her party. Mary is now 12 years old and turning into a pretty, young lady. These have been special moments for me.
" We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken.. But God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going."
2 Corinthians 4:8-9

It is because of your prayers and support, and of course God's Grace, that we get up again and keep going. Thanks.

Monday, March 3, 2008

New Week

"But I will sing of Your strength, in the morning I will sing of Your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble." Psalm 59:16

Since Doug was in San Diego over the weekend for his Naval Reserve Duty, I had my younger brother Rory come over from Seattle to help me out and mostly to visit. I so appreciated his help and moral support. He even brought over some fresh crab that was so yummy. My pain has been very tough for me to handle. Wanted to get checked into hospital on Saturday night to try and get some relief, and get some control over it. Well, God's plans of course are better, sooo I got through the night and Sunday at 9am a wonderful hospice nurse came over to the house. She checked me out and we got a new game plan started. I love game plans (especially when they work). Right now I am too drugged up and need to keep tweaking the pain medicine. But we will continue to adjust and adapt so I can continue with day to day living for our Lord. Pray that my focus is on our Lord and less on my pains. Love you all. Doug got back and it's wonderful to have him back.